To Dave Barry:

Dear Mr. Barry:

          I read your article today, I was THRILLED! I had no idea you liked sewage lift-stations AND fishing! 

        You see, Mr. Barry, I was one of the original sign-makers for the first sewage lift-station that was named and dedicated in Grand Forks.

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        I held a small ceremony as I pounded this sign into the ground. I was surprised that not many people showed up. I thought I had picked the perfect time to do this: 2:34 AM Tuesday morning. I figured the traffic was light at that time, and very few people were working........... 

        Unfortunately I was the only person there. (Except for one police car that drove by...slowly.)



Forget the lift station:

         I am going to try my best to get a city landmark named after you. Because sewage-lift stations are at such a premium in the Grand Cities, may I interest you in a BOAT LANDING?

         Not just ANY boat landing, but a SPECIAL boat landing: THIS particular boat landing in the Grand Cities has a unique relationship with sewage. The sewage here DEFIES the law of GRAVITY!

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An Engineered Boat Landing!

      This is not just any boat landing, Mr. Barry.

            This is a boat landing designed by ENGINEERS!

            As proof of their expertise, I have acquired a preliminary CAD (Computer aided drawing) drawing of the newest project the engineers of the Grand Cities have been designing. (This photo is top-secret and only 3.2 people know of it's existence.)

           NOW: You may 'think' Miami is close to the Caribbean, but OUR civic engineers have worked overtime to produce this:

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Fear and Tradition

            Don't get scared, Mr. Barry, sewage and fishing are linked in the Grand Cities. We train our youngsters early on the virtues of sewage and fishing.

 (click picture to enlarge)


And, considering your interest in frogs, you DO realize that the frogs in North Dakota are cannibals, don't you? They are VICIOUS creatures: preying on the weak, at night, when there is no camera around. They are HIRED GUNS to strip you of your bounty! Forget flushing them down the toilet...they climb out and eat the rest of the frogs in your house. Gravity and clock-wise whirlpools mean nothing to these frightful frogs. They are a TERROR here in North Dakota!

Cannibal Frogs


My Proposal:

We, the citizens of  the Grand Cities (all 3 of us) would like to turn THIS sign:

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Into this:

(click picture to enlarge)

Sincerely yours,

A concerned Grand Cities citizen/sewage lift-station aficionado/fisherman.




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